Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
