I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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