I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I looked at my own cervix.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
