We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
