if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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