nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
