He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
