I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
