come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
