so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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