how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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