no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
