The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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