And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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