Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
