Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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