gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
