I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
