I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
