i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
