Who wears a wallet chain?!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
