Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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