Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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