Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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