I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
