Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
