bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
