He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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