She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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