dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
