I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
