Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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