There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Actions speak louder than pants.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
