Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
