If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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