Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
