It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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