I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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