I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
