I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
