you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize