On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
