Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
