Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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