I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
