he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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