Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
