The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
