she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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