so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
