May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dignity is for republicans.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
