I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
