Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
