the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
