I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
