You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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