Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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