I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
