Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize