Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
