When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
