Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
