I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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