Christians are straight up FREAKS
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
