y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
