I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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