I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
