Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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