I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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